Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
