people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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