So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
