we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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