Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize