i need an iv and a liver transplant
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
