New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
