her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
