i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
operation harelip BJ is a go
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
