he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His nipple licking is glorious
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