i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
