I got chris browned last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
