all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
