The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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