Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So drunk its hurt
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
