allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so much tequila, so little girl.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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