Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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