I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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