It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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