i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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