Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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