I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
