At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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