Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
