She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
