did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize