Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
