First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
