After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
