I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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