if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
