I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
