Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize