its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
