So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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