I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
