Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
