I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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