Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
