I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
