is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
