Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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