she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
