You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
