you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
