Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
