He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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