I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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