the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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