WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
