Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
