I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
