worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
