The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize