Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
