I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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