I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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