i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
