He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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