I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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