Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
