we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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