I wanna bring you to show and tell
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
