Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
not ubering you a puppy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
