i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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