i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize