Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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