i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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