My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
