I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
