Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
