Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
