Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
