I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
