no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
