you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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