i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
